<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" version="2.0"><channel><title><![CDATA[Have You Decided Yet?]]></title><description><![CDATA[Navigating the Journey to Motherhood]]></description><link>https://www.haveyoudecidedyet.com/blog</link><generator>RSS for Node</generator><lastBuildDate>Mon, 28 Sep 2026 13:40:04 GMT</lastBuildDate><atom:link href="https://www.haveyoudecidedyet.com/blog-feed.xml" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml"/><item><title><![CDATA[Auntie in Title, but not in Practice ]]></title><description><![CDATA[I thought being called Auntie meant closeness would be automatic. Instead, I spent months waiting to be invited closer. I was recently preparing for a much anticipated happy hour with one of my closest friends, and as one does, I started to think when was the last time I saw this person. I realized  I hadn’t seen her in four months, and only then realized I hadn’t seen her daughter in six months, and that was really sobering and heartbreaking for me. Eye-level view of a serene park bench...]]></description><link>https://www.haveyoudecidedyet.com/post/auntie-in-title-but-not-in-practice</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a78adfe421979b2d97773c5</guid><pubDate>Sun, 09 Aug 2026 16:47:54 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/nsplsh_2b00f4b56c174f08b209f5282adcbd07~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>giftya24</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Table for 1]]></title><description><![CDATA[Sitting between two life stages, and slowly making peace with the unglamorous reality of choosing a life your own. It was a dinner with four of my closest friends. These were women I have known and loved for years, all of them stood beside me at my wedding. We were at a restaurant, the kind of happy hour / dinner situation where you settle in, order too much food, and stay longer than you planned. And at some point, maybe halfway through the meal, I became aware of something that left me...]]></description><link>https://www.haveyoudecidedyet.com/post/table-for-1</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a774e1c2dc76a37da415264</guid><pubDate>Sat, 08 Aug 2026 15:45:07 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/nsplsh_5a72687451794746473673~mv2_d_5760_3840_s_4_2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>giftya24</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[The Big Why: The Frustrating Relief   (Part 3 of 3) ]]></title><description><![CDATA[My why is systemic, making it both harder and easier than I expected After everything I laid out in the last post I expected to be confident in my decision. I thought that naming my why and all the details of it would feel like an exhale. It didn't quite work out that way. What I arrived at instead was something more complicated, and honestly more unsettling: the realization that my Big Why isn't moral or some deep fundamental truth about who I am at my core. Instead, it's systemic, and...]]></description><link>https://www.haveyoudecidedyet.com/post/the-big-why-the-frustrating-relief-part-3-of-3</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a7748df7e238b0b8ae0a288</guid><pubDate>Sat, 08 Aug 2026 15:40:16 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/nsplsh_0a4aa736a6b947a7ac61283bef742178~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>giftya24</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[The Big Why: The System I'm Refusing  (Part 2 of 3) ]]></title><description><![CDATA[The impossible math of modern motherhood, and why I'm not willing to do it In the previous post, I shared my Big Why, my answer to the question “why don't you want to have children?” I don’t want to lose myself inside the current model of motherhood that is under supported by every system it exists in, asks everything of me culturally, and genuinely conflicts with the person I'm trying to be. But a statement like that deserves to be unpacked. Because when I actually started imagining myself...]]></description><link>https://www.haveyoudecidedyet.com/post/the-big-why-the-system-i-m-refusing-part-2-of-3</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a7748172dc76a37da41445b</guid><pubDate>Sat, 08 Aug 2026 15:18:34 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/nsplsh_c862ce23a3e444dd81770cc094592810~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>giftya24</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[The Big Why (Part 1 of 3) ]]></title><description><![CDATA[On Releasing the Pressure to Justify Yourself, and Finding the Truth That Grounds You Instead For a long time, I put a lot of pressure on myself to find my "Big Why."  Because here's the thing about being a woman in her 30s quietly questioning whether you want children, and considering stepping off the path everyone assumed you'd take-  people who love you want to know why and strangers have a way of making you feel like you owe them an explanation. And I wanted to be ready for that. I wanted...]]></description><link>https://www.haveyoudecidedyet.com/post/the-big-why-part-1-of-3</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a77473a2dc76a37da41428e</guid><pubDate>Sat, 08 Aug 2026 15:15:16 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/nsplsh_8118cb2a07c440468b484d868be0b0d8~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>giftya24</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Choosing Someone Who Could Meet Me in the Middle]]></title><description><![CDATA[I wasn't ready to answer the question. But I was already protecting my right to. I met my husband when I was 28 years old on an online dating app. And truthfully, without the context of having met my husband if you would have asked me if I wanted to have kids at 28 I probably would’ve said yes. But the truth of the matter is, I chose my husband in part because I knew that he did not 100% want to be a father. When we met, I was going on dates with two other men, and while I can’t say for...]]></description><link>https://www.haveyoudecidedyet.com/post/choosing-someone-who-could-meet-me-in-the-middle</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a7745d47e238b0b8ae09c2e</guid><pubDate>Sat, 08 Aug 2026 15:11:06 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/nsplsh_6aa006e47e2e44af8e8b7a642ece7b19~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>giftya24</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Why Strangers’ Choices Sometimes Feel Personal]]></title><description><![CDATA[Parasocial Relationships with Child-free Role Models I love when my close friends share that they’re expecting. It’s exciting news that should be met with celebration and genuine happiness. And more often than not, that news comes from friends who have long expressed a deep desire to be a parent. Their joy aligns with what they’ve wanted for years, and that makes sense to me  But lately I’ve noticed that when other people share their pregnancy news — not friends, not acquaintances, but people...]]></description><link>https://www.haveyoudecidedyet.com/post/why-strangers-choices-sometimes-feel-personal</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a7745392dc76a37da413ecf</guid><pubDate>Sat, 08 Aug 2026 15:05:46 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/nsplsh_4e762d7678336b55523241~mv2_d_6480_4320_s_4_2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>giftya24</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[The First Time I Said It Out Loud]]></title><description><![CDATA[How one conversation shaped my silence for nearly a decade. For the record, even as I write this, I still struggle to say out loud that I don’t want to have children, or don’t want to be a parent, or I’ve decided not to have children. Each of those statements feel final in a way I’m not ready for — even if, internally, they feel truer with each passing year.  I can’t place the exact moment, but sometime around that walk by the lake, when the seed was first planted that motherhood wasn’t...]]></description><link>https://www.haveyoudecidedyet.com/post/the-first-time-i-said-it-out-loud</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a77443b335316084e9ee4ef</guid><pubDate>Sat, 08 Aug 2026 15:01:52 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/nsplsh_1da1ce0d78374dc9bc53e54ab623bc15~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>giftya24</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[When I Realized I Was the Outlier]]></title><description><![CDATA[Standing in the Middle of the Road Together, Looking in Different Directions The next five years were mostly uneventful. I was single, dating casually, trying to finish my PhD, thinking about my career, and figuring out my next steps. Having a baby always felt years ahead of me because there were so many steps before that even becomes relevant.  I would need to meet someone we would need to spend time together, we would need to fall in love, we would need to move in together, we would need to...]]></description><link>https://www.haveyoudecidedyet.com/post/navigating-childfree-decisions-a-personal-journey</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5fda8763357ddf4dcce4f3</guid><pubDate>Tue, 21 Jul 2026 20:45:59 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/nsplsh_d61ed70995cd45399e1c652ceddc1444~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>giftya24</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[How I Became Someone Who Could Question Motherhood]]></title><description><![CDATA[Before I ever questioned motherhood, I had to learn how to question myself. A little bit of context leading up to the day the music stopped… Prior to starting graduate school, I was not someone who would identify themselves as a feminist. And I don’t mean that I was anti-feminist, just that I was juvenile and ignorant in the understanding of feminism, along with a host of other things.   In undergrad, when girls proudly called themselves feminists, I’d look at one of my close guy friends,...]]></description><link>https://www.haveyoudecidedyet.com/post/finding-peace-in-a-childfree-life-decision</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5fda835514a6e974a58276</guid><pubDate>Tue, 21 Jul 2026 20:45:55 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/nsplsh_117f746104b64d2b90bf175b5e07e59c~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>giftya24</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[The First Time I Realized Motherhood Was a Choice]]></title><description><![CDATA[If you’re anything like me, you grew up assuming you would have children. This belief came from cultural upbringing, unquestioned ideology, and plain ol’ gendered expectations – because of course all women want to have babies.   As a child I spent many hours in mother-child role playing.  As a teenager, I talked with friends about getting married, having two or three kids, and living a fabulous, grown-up life.  In my 20s, those same friends and I discussed what it would mean to “juggle it...]]></description><link>https://www.haveyoudecidedyet.com/post/grieving-motherhood-honoring-your-choices</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5fda8163357ddf4dcce4de</guid><pubDate>Tue, 21 Jul 2026 20:45:53 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/f65a31_67da26384c184ed59fcf9d827ba018ed~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>giftya24</dc:creator></item></channel></rss>