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Have You
Decided Yet?

A quiet space for women navigating the tender, complex middle of deciding whether motherhood belongs in their story

A space for the in-between

I'm a woman in her 30s actively sitting with the question: Do I want to have children? As a newlywed (almost 2 years now), this isn't a hypothetical question for me, it's a very active debate and wavering that I'm sitting with every single day. This blog is where I'm giving myself permission to slow down and sort through the complexity of that question with honesty, thoughtfulness, and care it deserves.

Here, I'm writing through the messy middle: weighing the factors, naming the fears, honoring the grief that comes with the path I may not choose, and slowly building confidence in the one I will.

Latest Reflections & Posted Essay

Auntie in Title, but not in Practice

I thought being called Auntie meant closeness would be automatic. Instead, I spent months waiting to be invited closer. I was recently preparing for a much anticipated happy hour with one of my closest friends, and as one does, I started to think when was the last time I saw this person. I realized I hadn’t seen her in four months, and only then realized I hadn’t seen her daughter in six months, and that was really sobering and heartbreaking for me. Eye-level view of a seren

Aug 95 min read

Table for 1

Sitting between two life stages, and slowly making peace with the unglamorous reality of choosing a life your own. It was a dinner with four of my closest friends. These were women I have known and loved for years, all of them stood beside me at my wedding. We were at a restaurant, the kind of happy hour / dinner situation where you settle in, order too much food, and stay longer than you planned. And at some point, maybe halfway through the meal, I became aware of something

Aug 83 min read

The Big Why: The Frustrating Relief (Part 3 of 3)

My why is systemic, making it both harder and easier than I expected After everything I laid out in the last post I expected to be confident in my decision. I thought that naming my why and all the details of it would feel like an exhale. It didn't quite work out that way. What I arrived at instead was something more complicated, and honestly more unsettling: the realization that my Big Why isn't moral or some deep fundamental truth about who I am at my core. Instead, it's sy

Aug 82 min read

Have You Decided Yet?